Monday, May 26, 2008

pregnancy update

Last Thursday marked my 25th week of pregnancy. I had an appointment that day with my OB for the glucose test and a sonogram to check my placenta previa. Not sure if I mentioned that in an earlier post, but it's basically when your placenta grows in the lower part of your uterus, sometimes covering the cervix. My doctor diagnosed it early on and we've been checking every few visits to see if it corrects itself. About 90% of cases found in the first trimester do, meaning as the uterus grows, it pulls the placenta up and away from the cervix. But if it doesn't, it can cause bleeding and could put the mother and baby at risk.

Here's a visual.

About two months ago when my doctor checked, he said it looked like it was moving up and away like we wanted. But this time, he saw that the placenta was right up against the cervix. There's still a chance that it could correct itself since the uterus will still expand greatly before Luke is born. Right now he's about 2 pounds, and he'll probably be around 7 at full term. BUT, until it does, I am on unofficial bed rest. Doc said it probably wasn't necessary yet for me to be restricted to my bed, but I have to stay off my feet as much as possible. So no more exercise, long walks (including shopping), vaccuuming (hallelujah!), lifting Lily or really anything for that matter. I'm still trying to figure out how this works with my very active toddler. Thankfully, we already switched her to her "big girl" bed, and she can pretty much climb into her carseat so I won't HAVE to lift her really at all.

As I was on the way home from the doctor, I broke down on the phone while telling Josh the news. How am I supposed to abide by this 1) with a two year old and 2) for the next 3 months! How can I be a good mom to Lily when I can't pick her up or race her down the sidewalk? I know there's more to being a good mom than that, but i guess it grieves my heart a little to think these are the last few months I'll have with just her and that I'm limited in what I can do. Or my sweet husband whose love language happens to be acts of service...how will I fulfill my role as wife and take care of the home when I can't do some of the most simple house chores? And then not to mention, the fear in the back of my mind that I could start bleeding at any time. Or that I might have to have a C-section if it doesn't improve...

This all may come across very ungrateful and some of you may be thinking: it could be a lot worse! And I realize that. Maybe this is just a pity party for myself on losing out on what I want to do. I am grateful that I do have a healthy baby boy and that I'm only on partial bed rest. I know that this is just for a season and that we will make it through. I know that this will all be worth it and that the end goal is to have a healthy baby. And ultimately, I know that the Lord is Sovereign and in control of this situation. And that He cares for Lily and Josh and Luke more than I ever could. Something I've been learning in Recovery and in my Bible study, is that I've got to be honest with what I'm feeling rather than telling myself what I should feel. Even though I know these things and SHOULD be able to rest in them, the honest truth is that I'm still a little sad that it has to be this way. I want to acknowledge these feelings before the Lord, but then also ask Him to allow me to rest in who He is. My hope and prayer is that through this, I will get more of Him and that He will be my joy regardless of my circumstances.

It's interesting too that my Bible study is going through the fruits of the Spirit over the next year, and right now we happen to be focusing on love. I'm realizing that on some level I still feel like I have to earn love or prove that I'm worthy to be loved. It's hard for me to accept that I am loved just for who I am, without the "doing." That Josh would love me for who I am, just as I am and not what I can offer.  And I'm sure this also plays into how I receive God's love for me too. Whew. Still got a lot of processing and praying to do on that one. But I can definitely see that He's going to be refining me a lot over these next few months. And Praise His Name for that. So if you think about it, please pray that my placenta previa would correct itself. But most of all, that I would be content in Him and His love for me regardless.

21 comments:

John and Natalee Warren said...

I'll be praying for you Nat! And please please let me know if I can do ANYTHING to help, ok!

thosetonnes said...

Thank you for your post, and your honesty. We will be praying that your placenta starts growing upward and not downward. Now I am not a mom, but I am a wife, and I have been sick for a long time, which means I have had to rest for a longtime, so I know that struggle of not being able to do anything. It is very hard, but the Lord is good. In all my months of laying down I had to trust the Lord. I had to give up control and just be me, and be okay with that. I wasn't doing a lot so I felt like I was not valuable. The Lord continually even now shows me that it is not what I do for Him, it is just the fact that He loves me and I love Him. In some seasons we just have to rest and let the body be the body, and that includes are husbands. Josh doesn't love you because you do things for him, or that your perfect, He loves you for you and the fact that the Lord commands him to love you. I know that probably doesn't make it any easier, but I hope that helps. You are in our prayers.

Summer said...

Nat, praying for your little body and baby Luke. I can for sure understand all your concerns about these next few months. Please let me know if you need anything at all!! More prayers, taco bueno, or wome witty banter! ;) love you.

Dawntoya and Adam said...

Praying for you. I am glad that you dont have to vacuum, but I also hope everything works out for the best!

elizabeth engelhardt creations said...

Natalie,
I am so sorry to hear that your struggling right now with your pregnancy. I know that it can be hard to just sit and rest with a 2 year old under foot. I wish we could come love on you with some food or something. We will be praying for you. Keep your chin up, He is in CONTROL. Blessings sweet friend,
Elizabeth

Robin Muse said...

Hunter and I will certainly be praying for you guys in this time! Thanks for the honest post! Luke and Lilly are greatly blessed to have you as a mom, Nat!

Sunni at The Flying Mum said...

Definately will pray! Maybe you can think of lots of "couch" games for you & Lily!

Christy said...

Natalie - I will pray for you and your sweet family. I can't imagine how hard that must be. I had placenta previa (but not as bad of a case - if that is the way you say it - i don't know) and mine didn't end up moving until the last 4 weeks of my pregnancy. Just to give you some hope that maybe it will move! Thanks for your honesty and being real. I agree - why do we put up faces or think that God isn't absolutely aware of everything that is going on in our hearts. have you ever read -"Victory over Darkness" by Neil Anderson? It is so good and give such perspective about our identity in Christ and what He has done for us. I just finished it and it really was life changing! let us know if you need anything from down here in big "d"! christy

olivia and henry said...

natalie, you are precious. so precious. i loved hearing from you about all of this, and will be praying for you and your sweet family. can you drive on bedrest? ;) drive over soon and relax in the pool with us!

The Mays Family said...

Hey Natalie, I will be praying that the placenta corrects itself. I know that Rebecca and Brooke would love for Lily to come play, so if that is something you would like then please let me know. Also I would love to bring some food to you guys, let me know if I can do this for you. Please let me know if there is ANYTHING that we can do for your family.
With Much Love
Caroline

Christian Family said...

We will be praying for you!
Thank you for sharing with such honesty!

David said...

Natalie,
We will be praying for you. Thank you for sharing this so that we can all join together and lift you up!
Love,
Keri

lauren w said...

awwww Natalie! my heart is breaking for you! ugh i can only image what a challenge this is! i am praying for you and your family! when hard stuff like this happens i always think, man the Lord must LOVE you that He would walk you through something so hard just to help you understand His love for you. please let us know if we can do anything! i am a great vaccuumer :)

The Ice House said...

thanks for this post Nat! I think this is good for all of us. One thing I learned in recovery was my deeply-rooted desire to earn love & approval from God and the people around me! I so desperately want to find my identity in what I DO verses what Jesus DID!! Still not fully recovered, but He's promised to continue what he started!!

I'll be praying that you have smooth pregnancy from here on out, and a better understanding of grace along the way!!
: )

The Corsos said...

Sweet Nat!
Thanks for your honesty!! I am praying for all four of you Patterson peeps!! And Landen & I would love to visit you & Miss Lily this summer...with lunch!

Talk to you soon!

Shelly, Phillip, Atley and Avery said...

HI Natalie,
I was on hospital bedrest for 2 months with my twins, and am now on partial bedrest at 19 weeks with my second pregnancy. It is MUCH harder having little toddlers running around and I also grieve my time with them as I lay on the couch while they are playing with other people...not me. I'll be blogging more about this soon, but would love to talk more about this since I have some experience with bedrest of all kinds, high rish, c-sections, and "taking it easy" with toddlers.
shellyrhunter@gmail.com
The Lord always provides.
Shelly

The McAdams' Family said...

I had placenta previa this pregnancy too, and thankfully it eventually moved up and corrected itself, but I know how uneasy you are feeling. I will be praying for you, Luke, Lily and Josh. I also know the feelings of those last few moments with your one, but know that when #2 comes along, it gets even better! (Hard to imagine, I know;)

Regina said...

When Katelyn was around that age, I was going through a physically demanding breakdown. Many times I felt guilty about not being able to be what I thought was a "good mom" to her. Now,I can honestly say that what she remembers most about that time is that we had a puppy, and we decided not to keep it. She brings that up alot! The other stuff, she doesn't even remember. So, I hope you rest knowing that you're a good mom. I'll be praying that you'll be encouraged during this time.

Andrea "The H family" said...

oh my gracious honey. Praying for sure! Just saw this as I've been out but know that I'll pray. Keep us updated. Stay off your feet missy! Big hugs and we love you,
A

jonandbretaylor said...

Get some rest! We're praying for you guys! :)

Life as a Stephens said...

nat,
we are praying for you and baby luke. thank you for your transparency and vulnerability. we love you and josh.
deb and jarrett