Yes, I did change the blog title from "Life as Lily" to "Josh, Nat, & Lily Pat." It's been really fun for me to post pictures of Lils and keep you updated on what's going on in her little world. (don't worry I'll keep those coming) But lately I feel like God has been opening my eyes to see more of who I really am (don't you just love those seasons?) It's been really good and healthy but hard. The past few months he's bombarded me with how much control fear of man has on my life. It dominates so many if not every area. My friend Maury has been challenging me to ask God to really show me the root of this sin - where this whole belief system came from. God has been so faithful to show me glimpses of these answers as I seek Truth.
So, one of the things I'm seeing is how much of my life I've been striving to put forth this "front" or "image" I want people to see me as. And I've been doing it for so long that I've kinda forgotten who I am along the way. What are my interests? What are my dislikes? What are my passions? What are my gifts? Even in stuff as simple as what music I like. (My thought process: well, what's "cool" to like? What kind does so and so like?) For so long I've been doing/liking what I thought would keep in line with "The Image" rather than being true to who God has made me. So, I guess I'm on this journey to find out who I am in Christ.
This brings us back to the blog. For the last week, it's been on my heart to start sharing some of my thoughts, feelings, whatever, on the blog. I'm seeing how so often I tend to stay at the surface level. Mainly cause it's easy. Cause going deeper is too much effort. So I just check out and keep myself busy and stay numb to any sort of processing or thinking. But I know that growth can't happen if I'm not willing to go there. So, maybe this is a step of obedience or faith. Forcing myself to really think and facing my greatest fear of exposure. Cause it's hard for me to put the real me out there. I know those thoughts are going to come - what are "they" going to think about me? But, in the end, I know that HIS grace is sufficient, and HIS acceptance of me is all that really counts. Whew! Glad to get that off my chest.